RE: 518 SAF Personnel promoted: Including 2 Generals and Rear Admiral - Quick thoughts about it

It's always this time again every year whereby a group of seniors earn promotions within the Military. Let me give my quick 2 cent views about that.

While it's a time of praise and glory for our fellow seniors which is you know, all good in all honesty, don't get me wrong. Some may deserve it, well, some may not. I can't judge for that matter. In any case, good for you if you do get promoted.

Then again however, there's always a small bunch of people the SAF always forgets. You always forget the kids, kids who also should share in some of the joy and be recognized for their contributions on Promo Day.

I'm not exactly sure whether I said it before, so I'll say it now: I do stand by those youngsters who contribute more than a fair share of their keep even within the stint of 2 years. Be it the normal greenie from the infantry or even the clerks since all of them are your foundations of the military; not just "Oh, newbie, fresh meat for the grinder."

And hey, even among these new ones, you might even some that would eventually stand out to have probably performed way better than the current batch that just got promoted.

I dunno.... your thoughts maybe? Hmm? Well, Yup.

Cheerio. My quick thoughts since the topic gets pretty wide and / or dry and I don't know that much about it although I did serve my 2 years of NS, doing more than my fair share.

Mr Paul, Signing off.

My own personal Confession and the Stories of my Life that would probably explain things.

"Listen to my story. This may be our last chance"
- Tidus

Now this is another serious post. Now many have known the extent of my suffering that I have been going through for the entire 23 years of my life. Before anyone of you continues to be cold towards me in any wave shape or form, I want everyone to note.

I don't want to make this sound like that I want sympathy from you. I never want to act as if that I am attempting to manipulate you people. I never want to act as if I'm creeping you out. I'm just struggling to implore you all, just hear me out;

I just want you to know and think better and less ill of me because seriously speaking, I have enough of all this.

And I tell you guys all nothing but the truth.

*About Aspergers Syndrone and struggling with it
- If you want to explore what it is, Google or Wikipedia is your friend.

Now till now, I still don't understand the extent of how bad this spectrum of Autism can be. And I don't understand of what will result from this. Therefore, any bad behavior and thinking that is unintended from me personally, I really do apologize sincerely and meaningfully. I bear no ill will towards others unless with valid and obvious reasons. However that shouldn't give a reason, again unless valid, to hold ill will or treat me badly against me either.

I only heard about it when I started paying visits to psychiatrists to try and get around that.

Till now, I've been viewing this as a curse and I bore this heavy burden and carried this Cross for a long time. People been telling me not to, but I just don't understand how I should view this. Time after time every now and again, I've been praying in Church to find such answers. God's plan for me.... but I'm struggling to accept it, for the 12 years when I first was told of such a condition.

I may not talk much but I tend to be shy when it comes to speaking up and interact with friends. Basically in truth, I find it hard at times to keep my circle of friends and I struggle with it often. And bad things that happened, it hit me extremely hard, whether my fault or when I was the victim.

And many stories which I'm sharing have led me to be extremely wary of people and easily affected and traumatized by many things which unintentionally puts people off. It's by experiences in the past that led me to this stage of difficulty of maintaining and establishing friendship with others, and obviously a lack of a girlfriend in my entire 23 years of living.

*My Stories.

In truth, 23 years ago, the story of me almost ended before it even began. I was brought into the world prematurely. And learnt from my parents that I spent like a month and a half in an incubator at Critical Condition. So in short, I nearly almost didn't exist, much to my mum's initial fears.

And as being small and frail as a result of premature birth when I first started life, people take advantage of me, resulting to victim of countless bullying incidents and assaults. And many of these incidents even after 20 years I can still remember lots of my bad stories about me and cause huge traumas of what I think of people.

Days in Primary and Secondary school weren't exactly a bed of roses. In fact, these chapters hold a very big majority of my haunting memories that plague me till now. Already on board a school bus, this already started. And one of them, who eventually became a member of Genesis II Choir, was a potentially tall (for his age) and an intimidating presence on board. And things like stealing pencil cases, spoiling zips, taking my water flasks were one end of the spectrum. How about physical force at the end of the spectrum? Bullies were super super common and taking advantage of me was a super regular affair till my Dad have to step in and address the classes several times to suppress all this. This had little effect still however.

At the same time, I was subject of even more in my Electone Courses. I purely left the course because I encountered such dicks there under Mr Yeo.

At Secondary School, this gets more apparent. Dad to closely monitor this, joined the Ping Yi Secondary Parent support Group. Eventually he rose to the Group's Vice-Chair and always gets in contact with members of the staff.

The Secondary Three Camp is the one that I definitely cannot forget. This is one such instance whereby bullying went to the extreme levels that caused not only caused me physical injuries like burns (one of them I still bear as a scar). This escalated to a police case which was inconclusive and we couldn't find the suspects. I wasn't the only one beaten up by a group of gangsters in camp. It resulted me with physical injuries, mental injury and property injury. I was so scared of people as a result from things like this. I wanted to quickly get the hell away from school but I knew that it was impossible and this traumatized me really heavily and was left still taking several beatings till I graduated.

The thing about all these bullying crap, once they do it, they never dare to admit and in turn not stop doing it till heavy intervention is needed.

However, this have made me having phobia of camps and large places without personal company which I nearly don't have. I avoided band camps or any sort of camps after that. My instructor understood and acknowledged my fears and was absolutely fine with me to at least attend daily programs planned out without staying the nights. However, Confirmation Camp back in Our Lady of Perpetual Succour Church was also compulsory. You all may think this is a big joke but that's the truth. Even National Service I was already extremely paranoid just in case anything happens to me.

Although Life in the National Service was generally good as a clerk (if nothing to do for me that is), some people are generally too much. There was like one ME2 like out of the blue like report me to Chief Clerk of some shit for nothing. Eh, I just arrived in the unit, and you wanna scare me away? I never even spoke to you and was like damn angry. And later, when he left (and then his good friend followed who also has suspicions of us clerks), in truth I was kinda glad. I shall not name names as I don't want to tarnish the unit's reputation. Reason being it was the only time and organization outside of choir whereby people and seniors really took care of me after they see me working extra hard there and earning my keep.

Of course, you all must have heard of me unable to get through NAFA and Yong Siew Toh, one of those horrors I can't strike out. 5 months for 2 auditions and it has been a freaking roller coaster ride. Combined with the stress and the pressure to do well, this hasn't gone well. And I'm still struggling to come to acceptance of really what is the actual plan that God has schemed for me. And all these recent pileups has made me feel extremely Emo for a time recently.

I want to clear this up if anything that makes me have a emo and short fuse lately.

*My Strengths

When it comes to strengths, my pure strengths as many of you may know, is my mastery on the piano. Plain and simple. It's because of God's will and Mum's love for me especially when I was born that kept me going and convinced me to join the Genesis II Choir as a musician. A lot more so with the skill I have for 2 decades now. For 6 years I've been in this ministry though this wasn't the first ministry I joined in Holy Family Church, the first being the Altar Servers from 1998 to 2001.

*My Message to my Friends.

In all, I just have one last thing to say. My friends, please do not ever leave me again. I hardly have people to talk or hang out that I can share my problems with. The 'Curse' that I viewed as an unintended weakness and 'blessing' crafted by God.

Love you all, And God Bless you.

To NAFA or Yong Siew Toh.

Another serious post today. And as many of you know that I didn't get accepted to NAFA. And after 2 whole auditions and 5 months, I just can't and will not accept it. It's not worth spending months after months practicing just getting turned down audition after audition.

You know I'm still a bit sore since last week. Moreover my parents are know literally forcing me to get somewhere but so far for the last 10 months I didn't get a single job offer.

Now I'm literally pressured. NAFA or Yong Siew Toh if you are reading this, please do so with utmost seriousness. I need to by hook and by crook get into one of those institutes. If that means getting a new freshman you have accepted off the list, then do it. I can't be lying around any longer.

Either that or I die. Which you pick? Fulfill my destiny.

My National Service Confession: RE: The Truth about NSF Clerks

Hey, a serious post that I want to follow up further after Derick Shared about NSF Clerks.

Now Combatants, don't you dare laugh and hear me out, people who weren't in my shoes as a clerk. My office is such that I have a tonne of ME3s and ME2s all around the place going in and out. Having worked as a clerk and survived I can safely share with you my story.

Yes, people do tell me:

'WAH, PES E lar, so lucky!!!!!'

Ha, don't just assume. Hell, later I realized but when you're solely relied on most of the work in the entire unit, I can safely say:

'This shit stinks.... a lot.'

Let me tell you a matter-of-factly. Day after day, when you report to your superiors (e.g your boss / CO, Chief clerk, Sergeant Majors), you're under constant scrutiny under the watchful eyes of these people and many others higher ranked than you. It holds especially true at a HQ level, because you have a tonne of Sergeant Majors, COs from other units you don't know, high ranking personnel coming in and out of the office. If you're an infantry man, you always have a chance to like do some R & R, I mean real solid R & R.

So don't assume:

"This is how the clerks work; eh they got nothing to do, everyday eat and sleep you know." 
Now let me prove to you that you are so darn wrong.

Now there's bound to have people and regulars that always feel (how to say...) very dulan with clerks. And I said earlier you're in constant scrutiny; but if you do your fair share of work, many are bound to like you for what you do but there are some exceptions.

I seriously have no idea why you should ever have issues with clerks. There was like one ME 2 that appears to want to pick a fight with me despite me not bearing any ill feelings to him. Hell, I never even talk with him then he just lagi reports me to chief clerk. Both Myself and Chief Clerk was like.... WTF? She knows that I just arrived and I don't even know nuts about the personnel here.

C'mon douche bag. I just arrived to this unit and I have not done anything to offend you. Yet you straightaway from the get-go have issues with me.' And after he left the unit, I was so flipping glad. You think that promoted from an ME1 to ME2 means that you can act very big is it? I don't see why such a scumbag still exists one way or another.

Come on, let me tell you this right here and right now.

Everybody here has a responsibility, even the clerks do, the non-chao keng ones la obviously. And in sometimes a 'black sheep' will be targeted as the actual beast of burden. Such people or (let me use this term yet again:) The Ultimate Unsung Heroes in every unit are your building blocks of your day to day operations throughout their existence.

In truth, I was one of those poor black sheep. Transport Matters, general administrative matters, rostering for 2 National Day Parades and other projects / events, and even being the personal assistant of the regimental Sergeant Major at the unit there. Most times I'm like the only one in the office, on time and on target, from Bedok to Yishun. I worked day after day, rain or shine; falling sick I still worked because I couldn't afford to let go of my already piled on duties due to the massive job scope I was already involved in.

Now you explain to me; in view of all this, how do you expect me to stay at home even while I'm sick? HOW CAN?! Even there was one time somebody needed some important stuff and I had to literally rush back to camp like 30 clicks north from the clinic despite the fact that I was under medical leave, only then I was able to rest.

2-way cab man, oh shit....the damage to my wallet within a few hours.

I prayed real hard in and out of Church during these two years that I'll make it out alive and not explode at the officers and the SMs because I was suffering a lot, and growing angry. However I literally did explode once while during a tonne of shit, telling off every single one in the office to leave me be, including CO and RSM because I was already undergoing a tonne of stress, causing an emotional breakdown. Well, they did, and I earned myself some respite and much needed time to calm myself down. To step up a notch, I placed a sign to keep my disturbances to a minimal, on my computer. Some did apologize to me, but that wasn't enough to satisfy me for all the stuff that I did.

My honest truth is that I did more than my fair share, earned more than enough of my keep but almost nobody among my colleagues save a few was sharing the same suffering as I did. And as if being the most heavily relied on isn't enough that my absence would almost literally mean the collapse of my unit, being paid a measly minute $550 bucks for doing a HQ's worth of Jobs isn't justified. I know that some people earn money staying at home, taking long term MCs; people saying and noticing some of my colleagues just go on a hiatus leaving a few poor things to do their work. And even after I left, many don't really thank me for all this stuff that literally kept the office running.

You infantry man have those $3,000 Cash Bonus Cycles. You have 3 Cycles, the PES E Clerks only have 1.

So don't you dare laugh, Combatants. Even clerks have been at the receiving end of the nastiest of all things.

Great Day and some screwed up shit.

It's been a while since I last blogged. Had a good day but ended with some really fucked up shit that really spoil it. Guys from NAFA, you're all gonna hear from me. And I'll assure you that I'll make things really unpleasant for you till accept me to the institute.

OK! The good for the week: Genesian II Road Trip with Friends. Just going to Johor Bahru and hanging at AEON is awesome where we did check out Tian Lai Restaurant. And miraculously we located and found the place driving blind. Night before I also watched the Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring - Live to Projection performed by the Metropolitan Festival Orchestra. Photoes to follow in the next post.

NOW the bad shit that really spoiled my day: NAFA. Though I was more prepared for this. I really feel that 5 months worth of auditions really isn't worth the pain I've gone through. So angry I was that I immediately ripped and crushed the NAFA rejection letter. All this crap, were they all in vain?!

Until acceptance to NAFA I am, my judgement that you must respect. I'm still sore about it and I refuse to accept this.

You all are gonna hear it from me, right here.

Now buckle up ladies, this ride is just beginning.

Grand Master Soh.