Regrets of taking the path of a Musician.

This is a real serious blog post and this shit ain't funny at all.

Now those who didn't know, I earlier attempted one of the Auditions from Yong Siew Toh Conservatoire of Music which didn't go well. A lot of this is attributed to so many external factors.

Now in the process of recuperating for the next auditions in Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts for the Bachelors of Music. You know what is really going through my mind right now? I tell you to have to spend so much time preparing and so much pain for just a small time is simply not fucking worth it. It's so fucking aggravating that this shit ain't funny anymore. Fuck this shit.... seriously....

Personally, I enjoy much passion playing on the piano if it weren't for any sort of competition or pressure I'm facing. I enjoy playing piano as a hobby, for leisure, for general entertainment like concerts and plays, and especially enjoy playing for videos on YouTube which has been picking views as of late. However, I fucking hate the pressure if I have to face stiff competition like exams and such, including auditions.

The entire downhill started when one of my family members on Dad's Side passed away in February. Furthermore it's a period where I really can't afford anytime to set aside because I lost so much practice time. And you know what was on my mind? I wanted to tell them: "if my career and everything I have done for the YST Auditions goes down in shambles, you all answer to me." I wanted to set more time on the piano and some time with friends and at least go through this once. As a result, I lost all of this shit instead, didn't get through the auditions and I have to go through a second audition. Makes me feel so fucking upset and angry at all this. I prayed, I really prayed really hard not to let any of my anger loose at my parents who insisted left right and center that I attend the wakes and the funeral.

Seriously, all this pain really isn't worth it. Because my career is really hanging in a balance and having to go through another audition, I have practiced till the point that I really don't feel like doing this anymore. I really wanted to grab the degree spots but having experienced all this shit really demotivate me to work at all this. I'm tired man, I'm real real tired but physically and mentally.

Ben insisted to me to grab a course totally outside of what I learnt. Hell, how to you tell me?! I have to do another Diploma Course again which is totally outside of the question. All I've done is music, so I'm sticking to it. But at all this time I really regretted taking the path of a musician because it has lead me to nowhere. Still whenever possible, I wouldn't want to stray anywhere outside of the music world.

Here's where I'm really starting to cry at this point:

- I'm stuck with a Music Diploma
- I lost 1 audition at YST
- And if I fail this one, what am I to do??
- I can't find work elsewhere. No stable income, no money.
- Lacking available time to meet friends.
- And many times Bo Jio.
- Bloody important for future: Still no Catholic GF.
- Your unsung hero has done so many things in the past (SAF Band, Ping Yi Military Band) but I'm not recognized adequately.

Now this crap is aggravating is it not? Having to go through this makes me want to break down emotionally. Now what the hell am I gonna do if NAFA fails to give me a spot in the Degree, and till now I haven't heard from them which day and time is my Auditions.